He’s literally me, I’m Ryan Gosling
Male loneliness epidemic in digital age & cyberpunk society. Is there a solution?
It’s a Friday night, and you just drove home from your 9–5 shift at your corporate job. You scrummage your leather bag to find the keys to your one-bedroom apartment, located 20 minutes from the city. It was pitch black when you walked in, and there was no one waiting for you at home. You had no energy to cook and unlocked your phone to order Dominoes on Uber Eats. While waiting for your food to arrive, your thumb scrolled mindlessly on Instagram and TikTok, and your eyes scanned thousands of memes titled “Just talk to her bro” (I’m scared of women) & “Me sitting next to the girl that I like.” *shows Ryan Gosling being awkwardly silent* next to Ana De Armas as the song “Let It Happen” by Tame Impala plays in the background.
It is no debate that men have been getting more lonely and lonely. Surveys show that men have fewer close friends than they did 30 years ago, and have fewer close friends compared to women nowadays (American Survey Center, 2021). Most of them live alone and struggle to form deep connections or relationships with other women. This is called the “male loneliness epidemic.” Although I’d argue that men have always been lonely and feel lonely, I agree on the fact that it gets worse due to social media exposure and more masculinity traits in women, as well as the normalization of hook-up culture
The way the male brain and the female brain work is somewhat different. A male’s brain takes longer to mature and develop. For women, it takes around 25 for the frontal cortex to finish cooking, while for men, it takes longer, up to 28 years (Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, 2019). Males also experience puberty later than females. The way both genders think can be different depending on the culture and society that they grow up in. In most cultures, women are more valued for their agreeableness, quietness, and obedience, while men are valued for their boldness, intelligence, and physical strength. Though sex science is highly controversial and should be taken with a grain of salt.
It so happens that many civilizations ran on patriarchy and developed a culture where men were taught to value independence and stoicism. Don’t show your emotions because it will make you look vulnerable. Don’t open up to people because they will use it against you. You have to be strong to take care of others. Depend on no one and stand up for yourself because society has placed those expectations on you (even though men set up those expectations themselves). Some argue that men set up a system in which they have to be the breadwinner and be harsh on themselves to protect women, their families, and the people they love. While this may be true, women under patriarchy were not safe at all and had to experience domestic abuse on a daily basis. However, being a housewife and a mother is a highly respected career, and it is slowly losing its reputation. This is because women are starting to take on the jobs that men have. They start to do better in school, they start to appear more in male-dominated fields, and they fight for “equal rights” for all. Women are starting to adopt male roles in society, and this leads to them adopting the same mindset. They produce fewer children; they prefer to be independent rather than start a family and stay at home. They are more educated and start to resent men for taking these opportunities away from them for years. The truth is that men and women are designed to fulfill different responsibilities and occupations. Now, women carry the same job titles as them. Men are forced to see women as their equals and as their own kind, and it is so apparent they cannot bear to do it since we are now their competitors instead of supporters.
What men really want is to have a girl who approves of everything he does. They want a friend, an assistance, a wall for them to lean onto. They don’t want another dude with the same traits as them. With the current state of the world, it is extremely difficult to find a woman who doesn’t talk back or challenge you. So they no longer feel safe talking about their feelings or being vulnerable with women. It’s much harder for them to connect with the opposite gender without getting backlash, cancelled, exposed on social media, your reputation could be ruined forever by some woman you dated.
Additionally, the rise in hookup culture creates harmful consequences for both genders. It is much easier for a woman to pull a man than a man to pull a woman. This is present through the growth of OnlyFans accounts and the empowerment of young women selling their bodies to earn money and become successful. Women have many options to choose from because all they really need is looks. The reason why women have higher expectations for men, even though they fight for gender equality, is because they still want to be protected and provided for by a man. A man has to be successful, caring, not aggressive, tall, etc. It is unfair that women have a better chance of finding a love partner. However, women with high body counts are then shamed, while men with higher body counts are praised. The reason is the man's DNA stays in her body forever as they made love (Malagón T, Burchell A, El-Zein M, Guénoun J, Tellier PP, Coutlée F, Franco EL; HITCH study group. Y Chromosome DNA in Women's Vaginal Samples as a Biomarker of Recent Vaginal Sex and Condom Use With Male Partners in the HPV Infection and Transmission Among Couples Through Heterosexual Activity Cohort Study. Sex Transm Dis. 2018) . So, a woman’s body is considered a disadvantage. Men never run out of sperm, while women are advised to give birth in their 20s and 30s. Women now attempt to do the immoral things a man does, cheat, and hook up with multiple people, and that is the problem. Hooking up is terrible for either gender since every time people engage in sexual intercourse, the brain releases several chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, which can lead to intense feelings of emotional connection and bonding. In recent years, it is considered a norm to just hook up with strangers you met at the bar, like animals controlled by desire and lust instead of morals and thoughts. Making love without love creates feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and even depression. You’re surrounded by people, but you still feel lonely because no one actually loves you for who you are. They only like how you make them feel and what you bring to the table to serve them. They never cared about you.
The lack of love and the lack of emotional support from the opposite gender has made men more lonely than ever. That is not to say men have not always been lonely due to the constant pressure for them to provide, to be tough, and to mask their feelings. So, if the problem is that women are turning their backs on men now that they have their own careers and success, is it sexist to say that women should just go back to being emotional support and a mother? One could argue that raising a human being is no feat; it is incredibly challenging. That is why it should be valued and respected instead of frowned upon. Why is it considered sexist to say women are made to birth and raise the next generation of the human race? Isn’t it vital to prevent the human race from dying? Of course women should still have the option to follow their passions and careers, but wouldn’t it be better if her financial burdens were covered by a man and she would have more free time to be at home with her children while having more free time to pursue what she loves? Is that not to protect the woman instead of enslaving her?
Pushing women to be mothers should not be the only cure for the male loneliness epidemic because men were the ones who designed the patriarchal system to be unfair and unjust, and it ended up putting more burden on men. Moreover, it is important to respect other women’s decisions to not have kids. However, some people argue that only by having children can humans experience unconditional love. With a partner, you are willing to die with them. But with kids, you are willing to die for them and sacrifice everything to ensure that your blood and a part of you live on. As humans are inherently selfish, having children is one of the ways we subconsciously express our desire to be immortal, as our DNA will continue to live on for generations. So is it fair to say that the cure to male loneliness is to make both genders in our generation value family and raising children? This solution requires the men to be in control of their lust, if they want a modest woman, it is best if they stopped subbing to a hundred OnlyFans accounts. Women, on the other hand, need to reconnect with their femininity and look beyond their dreams of becoming someone else’s corporate slave. Everything and everyone is replaceable, except family, which we need to treasure the most.